What is Spiritual Sex: By Peter Rengel
If you are here on the planet to become more loving and evolve spiritually, how does sexuality fit into your picture? In most spiritual traditions, sex has long been held as an obstacle to enlightenment. It has been seen as something to overcome, to transcend, or to go beyond. Vows of celibacy have often been praised as seekers try to conquer the "burdens" and "illusions" of earthly desires.
The underlying and usually unquestioned assumption is that sexual denial eventually leads to enlightenment. But isn't enlightenment the realization that all the universe is contained within the infinite depths of your heart? And doesn't all the universe include your sexuality? Are you supposed to cast out an integral part of your own humanity in order to become a fully-realized person?
Celibacy may occur in a natural, organic way as you embrace all aspects of your sexuality and go through to the other side. But to try to force it upon yourself can potentially be destructive. It may be a by-product of your spiritual growth, but is celibacy the ultimate goal?
Spiritual sex: Sexuality as a vehicle to spiritual growth
Sexuality can be a vehicle into spirituality rather than an obstacle to it. One way to express your desire to be reunited with God is by merging with another person through sharing your sexuality. The more deeply you feel the longing to return Home, the more deeply you may want to free your sexual nature.
The gift of your sexuality is that it is a profound modality for the ecstatic affirmation of human love. Why not include sex and God in the same breath? Why would you ever want to see them as opposing forces rather than as partners? Love includes and embraces the entire universe.
Sexual expression can be frightening. It is a movement from everyday limited levels of consciousness into an expansion of your energetic aliveness. Two activities that challenge the ego structure down to its very core are meditation and sexual expression. Both require letting go of the negative mind's usual control over you. In meditation and in sex, in order to become the master of your mind, you must escape from its traps that keep you absorbed at the level of thought.
You achieve freedom if you can access a place inside yourself that lives only in the present tense, not trying to go anywhere or to accomplish anything. In this receptive state, love happens. Fulfillment happens. Union happens.
The mind wants you to be at its every beck and call. It becomes very threatened if you surrender into the flow of sexual energy. Therefore, it tells you that sex is wrong, or a waste of time, or an addiction, or not spiritual enough. Or it starts a fight with your lover when the possibility for a new level of sexual intimacy is available.
Listening to your mind's negativity has you miss the bliss that can be experienced when you let go into the formless. Dive in underneath the superficial motivations of your sexual desires to the deepest stirrings within your soul.
Approach lovemaking with an attitude of reverence and awe, because untainted sex is the sharing of divine nectar. With the safety created by this underlying context, all avenues of pure sexual expression open to mutual exploration.
What is spiritual sex?
What, then, is "spiritual sex"? Take a moment to envision your ideal of two people engaged in spiritual sex. Do you picture candles and soft music? Do the lovers bow to each other, kiss one another's feet, and then sit in the yab-yum position (cross-legged, one on the lap of the other)? Do they see the whole universe in each other's eyes? Do they gently breathe together, barely moving? Have they transcended the trappings of hot, animal lust and the need for genital orgasms?
Whether your pictures are similar to these or not, notice if you do have any ideas of what spiritual sex is supposed to be. What experiences are spiritual lovers supposed to have?
Spiritual sex arises out of both partners' desire for union through uninhibited self expression. What if you are here on earth not to transcend your humanness, but to revere yourself exactly as you are right now?
You are a fascinating combination of a heavenly angel/god/goddess and an earthly animal/beast. As you let go into the formless with the intention to become one with your lover, what can emerge is a dance back and forth between your god/goddess and your animal urges.
As your animal nature releases into an uninhibited expression of passion, perhaps the absolutely perfect spiritual union becomes available to you in that moment. Then, in another moment, when you are softly touching and looking into one another's eyes, you have included your human, animal passion rather than trying to bypass it. As you surrender to your lover in devotion, you can worship both each other's divinity and each other's humanness.
Spiritual sex: Love and lust
Are lust and love enemies waging war against one another or friends complementing each other? When sexual energy begins to flow, you can be overpowered by your genitals if you let them sweep you into actions that you regret later. Yet you need not do anything about your sexual arousal unless your heart is in agreement with your genitals.
Sexuality can be a doorway into bliss instead of a stumbling block to be overcome. Embracing both soft, cool sex, and hot, passionate sex creates more colors with which to paint a richer self-portrait. "Spiritual sex" includes the entire spectrum from life's rainbow, such as:
Diving into each other's eyes.
Tenderly touching each other's face.
Holding each other heart to heart and letting your energy flow.
Experiencing the pain of having any walls between you.
Being of total service to your lover.
Allowing yourself to play a role your partner wants you to play.
Crying as new doors open to deeper levels of intimacy.
Following your sexuality's expression without preconceived pictures.
More magic might happen if you allow yourself to be seen as an archetype in your sexual connecting. You can become the most beautiful or handsome person in the history of humankind, or a Greek God or Goddess, or the two of you can be more in love than any couple has ever been. As you surrender into the unknown, new possibilities arise from the innocence of your creativity. The reward for your risks is a surprise that can delight you and relight your love.
Spiritual sex: A sexual doorway to transformation
Do you know the Tantric secret about orgasms? While releasing into orgasm, you can perform miracles by visualizing ways you would like life to be. You can picture anything, such as being deeply in love forever; or abundance flowing into your life; or the healing of a friend or relative; or finding relief for the hungry or homeless; or the whole world living in harmony.
What you envision at the moment of orgasm plants a seed within that level of consciousness. Because you are so open, your picture filters down through all the other layers of consciousness. It eventually shows up in your outer world. If you do not let doubt get in your way, you can actually change your everyday reality through the miracle of sexual love.
With this additional incentive, what are some ways that can you take yourself deeper into love and into sex?
By accepting your natural sexual desires.
By integrating the soft, gentle angel and the passionate animal desires.
By being curious and discovering what you want to explore next.
By being willing to ask for 100% of what you want without expectations.
By allowing the energy to freely dance between talking, emotional vulnerability, soft, cool sex, and hot, passionate sex.
Spiritual sex: Infinite possibilities and profound integration
What are the actual experiences available out of diving into intimacy? They are boundless and infinite. Donna and I feel more in love than any other couple in the history of humankind; and we want every other couple to have this same feeling.
We are head over heels in love with each other about 99% of the time. After ten years of intimate sexuality, we feel like we are at the very beginning of exploring infinite realms of relating. We have psychic experiences which indicate that we are attuned to one another in the natural way that all of us are meant to be.
We are often moved to tears of gratitude for being in each other's lives and touching each other's soul. We know that at least one other person on this planet accepts us completely, loves every deep, dark corner of us, and lets us feel absolutely safe. We sometimes see each other as representing all men or all women, so that we can fall in love with all human beings through each other.
Through our respect for each other, we feel a sense of reverence and awe for all human beings as gods and goddesses. We have the opportunity to worship another god/goddess disguised as a human being from a place of true surrender and devotion.
As you fully embrace your animal nature, a profound integration of Heaven and Earth emerges. As you celebrate the gift of your sexuality's unique expression, you discover that you do not have to wait until you die in order to be liberated. As your hearts and your sex soar together, you free yourself to celebrate in Heavenly bliss while still in your body.
Note: The above essay on spiritual sex is an edited version of chapter 27 of Peter Rengel's book titled Living Life in Love. For more on Peter, click here. For another highly inspiring essay on spiritual sex, click here. For an excellent online lesson on spiritual sexuality, click here.